Technical Writing Exercise Review

I have chosen to review David Shuren's Technical Rewrite.

I like how the beginning starts with a more generalized statement introducing how to share programs and data on a network drive. This makes it clear that these instructions apply to any program or data rather than any specific programs, as might be inferred from the original instructions, which talk about "the program". It is also succinct, yet complete, and does not use excess verbiage which is important in any technical style writing. Contrast

"Perform the following to set up a shared drive: " (Good)

with

"The following must be kept in mind sometimes if you should decide to set up a shared drive:" (Excruciating)

The tone of David's document is also much more professional, and vastly more confident than in the original. I trust that David's instructions are complete, and will get me to where I want to be. It gives clear commands and walks me through the necessary steps to set up a drive. This is dramatically different from the wavering, unsure feel of the original document which uses language like "sometimes... assuming... I guess... try selecting... you may... all the time necessarily". I don't trust a single one of those instructions.

And finally, David's document has the advantage of not calling it's reader an idiot. I can't imagine why that was included in the original instructions if these were actually used in a business communication. Note: calling your colleagues idiots rarely endears you to them, unless you are Don Rickles.